god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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