i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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