I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
