The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
its not stalking. its research.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
