ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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