Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i dont even know how to be here
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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