I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
