guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize