I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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