you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
this boner is exhausting
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
