I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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