that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
