i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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