I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
