You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
