can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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