I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Porn is love you can see.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
