She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
