She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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