i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
