apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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