I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
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I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
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She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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