she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Everclear isn't food dammit
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
