we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
