I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
