I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
