You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
