i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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