she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
