smell my finger.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
being pregnant is like rehab
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
