Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
