Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's blow job season.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
