You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
