I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
