My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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