Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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