Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
