You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
