you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
