Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
