We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
