I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
