yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
