i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So. Much. Porn.
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