Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
