Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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