Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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