Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My bed smells like the plague
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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