I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
