guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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