At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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