She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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