i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Quick, to the slutcave!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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