Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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