He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
