you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
