New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
