I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
