Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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